I'm a self-described feminist, raised in a highly religious household, now attending a private religious school of my own volition, and I have a problem with my religious demographic's weak feminist game, particularly the males. I've spent the last year at BYU and for every marvelous bro I meet there are approximately two others who ask me if I'm a lesbian when they discover I'm a feminist. I don't have to be a woman who is attracted to other women to understand concepts of basic human decency. And neither do you, Joseph/Jacob/John/Jack/Jeremiah (I swear, every BYU boy has a J name).
I have two issues with the lack of Mormon male feminists: 1) you're hurting women, and 2) you're hurting yourselves. Plus (3, yikes) I believe that all Mormons should identify as feminists because Mormonism is fundamentally feminist: doctrinally, Mormonism is feminist in that the concerns of women are the concerns of God. God is keenly aware of the unique trials that being female brings, and God cares about those trials.
Once you decide to take an interest in topics that may not always center on you, do some research, ask some questions, and listen with intent and never respond with "not all men." Listening with intent (eagerness to do your part) is self-explanatory, but the "not all men" thing requires an explanation.
The reason*: Responding with "not all men" derails the woman's argument and insists that instead of making her point she validate you and other men. Buddy, don't do this. You have effectively ignored her real message which was "sexism makes the world uncomfortable and unsafe for me and others." You have become a man we cannot trust with our very real problems because you have exhibited an inability to listen and an unwillingness to help. So, basically you just became one of those men.
Instead, when it comes time for your comment in the dialogue, pull up your boot straps and say something prudent. Remember that "in my experience" can only carry you so far since you are male and have had a male experience, not a female one. You might not be aware of rape culture because it affects you in imperceptible ways, and you might think the wage gap is a myth because you've never experienced it, but these are real problems that haunt real people.
If you are interested in learning about how sexism hurts men, give "The Mask You Live In" a watch. It's a documentary that's part of the Representation Project and it focuses on men's issues like toxic masculinity. They previously did one that focuses on women's issues called "Miss Representation" and I know that one is on Netflix. Both are excellent places to start your feminist awakening, something I'm certain you'll experience sooner or later (so might as well make it sooner).
Honestly, sexism is such a childish thing. I look at the remarkable males in my life (notably my own father and woke peers but also my many paternal figures who are neighbors, professors, home teachers, bishops, etc) and then back at the majority of my male peers and all I can think is "someday you'll regret being so unwilling to listen." Because you will: you'll regret acting disgusted by periods when you realize how incredible (and incredibly agonizing) they are, you'll regret mansplaining when you can never get a second date, and you'll regret cheating on your girlfriends when one day you wipe the tears from your daughter's face because her boyfriend was messing around with someone else.
Quit playin' and level up, homies. Unless you are part of the solution you are part of the problem.
Scout
*important note on "not all men": there are enough men doing these things to make it a social rather than a personal problem, and by derailing discussion you prevent progress against those issues. We know it's not all men! We're not stupid! And it's unlikely that we think you're the, say, date rapist we're discussing. We would confront you if we thought you were, and again, "not all men" would be the incorrect response there.
